You just made me feel so damn special
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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