We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
