so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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