forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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