I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
