I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
