She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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