omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
sex in a hospital.. check
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
