my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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