I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
