Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
