i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
