i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
