U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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