Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
