i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
