Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
