Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
