Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
