I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
