I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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