I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Need sex. Gaining weight.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
