he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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