Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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