we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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