She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
