Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
