You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
