STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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