apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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