We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
don't judge my taste in strippers
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
