also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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