God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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