I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Holy shit dude........stairs
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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