when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
