i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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