dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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