so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
