dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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