Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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