So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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