A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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