I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
