I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
