walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
