im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
