this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
