I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
