just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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