shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
