He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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