Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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